Perfect Bride or Perfect Marriage?

Every year in India, winters not just brings the joy of Christmas celebrations but also lots of wedding invitations of friends and family.  We live in a society where other people’s acceptance and perceptions about you are more important than your own happiness. Yes, “What will THEY say?” and “What will THEY think?” remains the fundamental dialogue for North Indians which becomes more visible during marriage conversations.

Last night after returning from a family wedding, my grandma especially emphasized: “Bride was very fair and beautiful”. The other day while I was waiting for my friends in a restaurant, I overheard the group of ladies in kitty party discussing about the wedding they attended recently. Initially, the conversation started about food, decoration etc. but gradually it shifted to how the bride was looking, her makeup, dress etc. and then someone pointed out, “The bride has a very broad jawline”. I am not sure they were trying to compliment her or trying to bring any drawback into attention because just like them she is also one of the gods own creation.  And then there was a neighboring aunt who was discussing with my mother about a marriage in her native place and in between says “bride was looking more mature and aged”. I was sitting at the corner sofa and trying to be reasonable who defines the rule that only a man can look more mature and grown up in a wedding, why can’t a woman?

Image courtesy- Archana Tandon 

 Every other day, we hear one or the other person making remarks for the bride, sometimes good and sometimes bad too. Which at times make me think, why all these judgments pertain to a bride. Nobody comes from a marriage and says, “groom was wearing specs” or “groom had dark complexion”. Why all these criteria apply to bride only. Why bride’s appearance becomes such an important factor in any marriage, despite the very acknowledged fact that if somebody can make place in your heart, they can surely make place in your eyes.

And the story does not end here with the physical appearance, then they start refereeing to certain acts as well, say for example, recently my aunt got astonished to know that my cousin took the charge of washing clothes for the family  four days before her marriage and exclaimed: “it’s hard to get such good girls now a days”. These incidents bring me to question does any guy be marring any girl for such reasons. Do you look for the qualities of full-time servants in a perfect bride? Is this the criteria for the perfect bride?
Or these are just society’s judgement to define women in certain parameters.

And I am pretty much sure that what we look for in a life partner is beyond looks and something more meaningful like understanding, connection and how well we support and help each other to grow. Whether it’s a bride or a groom, both look for PERFECT MARRIAGE, not just the perfect bride or perfect groom. Because it is the two imperfect people who make a perfect living for each other.

When two people are ready to accept each other the way they are along with their families, Does anybody’s else opinion matters?  If we are happy with each other, do we have to be bothered about “what THEY think?” and “What THEY say?”. And more importantly when will “THEY” understand that their opinion and judgments are irrelevant.

For all the women reading this, I request you to think once- “Is it really worth leaving your own individuality and hampering yourself for the sake of society’s judgement?”. No matter how much you try to be an ideal bride and later Daughter-in-law, there will always be someone judging you and trying to pull you down. Ideally, their judgments should not be your concern area.

P.S.- You stay BOLD and CONFIDENT the way you are because at the end of the day- It is not what others think, it is what you think about yourself counts.