The moment any urban Indian girl hits 25, she already starts
getting bugged for the marriage from every corner of the world. Oh yes, every corner
including relatives, neighbors, family friends, your own friends, colleagues
and every other human existing on this planet. Ah, the only time you thank god
that pets don’t speak your language!! Not only that, the social media gets
flooded with your school friend’s life events along with wedding pictures and
videos, which makes her wonder if she is really losing something or lacking
behind?
Will her timely marriage, which is generally perceived 25 in North
India, be considered only parameter to be called a good and successful woman?? Despite
being well-educated, having decent degree, working in one of the leading organizations,
having able to pay her own bill and possessing the capabilities of buying her
own diamonds.
And there comes the question what is she looking for in a life
partner? I am sure, every other girl on this planet has her own definition of
Mr. PERFECT, giving different criteria different priorities. While discussing this
with the group of girls in office cafeteria, someone gave priority to the good
looks where she said, “She wants a tall, dark and handsome guy just like
Ranveer Singh”, for others it was financial status, job, caste and
the list goes on. This made me wonder should we really consider all these
factors while looking for our life partner. Will his caste, looks, job or
financial status make him Mr. PERFECT? Will such criteria and filters ever be
enough?? Is it what really matters??
So, continuing this discussion further, one of my friends shared
her experience where she interacted with few guys through one of the online
matrimonial sites, Oh Yes “Be found!”
😉.
Initially, she interacted with 2-3 guys matching all her matrimonial site
filters but during conversation, she realized that they are having
contradictory set of view. Later, she met one more guy where everything was
falling into the place i.e. her all practical expectations and comfort were
fulfilled but after one meeting, she said NO
to him the very next day. When I asked about the reason behind her No she
replied “Charu, even I am amazed by my decision. Every practicality was according to me but somewhere I couldn’t make
that connection. My heart didn’t allow me to go for it.”
Then there was another girl who said “Despite so many differences
between me and my fiance, the moment we first met, we just knew this is it.
This is what I want. Just sitting in front of him and sipping coffee gave me so
much happiness that I was smiling whole day for no reason. There was a spark in
our meeting. He was so comforting, it
felt I don’t have to utter a word to tell him anything, like all my search
filters just disappeared and are irrelevant.”
And there it struck me, at times the higher us needs more than
what we expect from life, more than the outwardly comfort that we seek. May be
the things we feel are crucial to live a decent and a respectful life are
important from a society’s point of view, which we can show to our relatives
and everyone in society that this is my husband with all the qualities-
tall, dark, handsome, rich and above all same caste. This may satisfy the society,
but will these qualities satisfy you? Are we looking for a life partner with
whom we are going to spend our life, or we just want someone who can be
displayed in front of our societies and relatives?
Materialistic
things might give us temporary happiness and makes our life convenient, but at
the end of the day it is the connection and love that soothes our soul and
bring peace in our life, no matter how much we struggle in our daily lives. Their
only presence makes you stronger and a better version of yourself. The days you
don’t believe in yourself, he will believe in you and that will be soothing
your soul like no one else on this planet.
P.S: - “It’s worth the wait, find your soul
soother”
Yet another awesome read. I like your observation on pets not able to speak and filters being irrelevant if there is a connection. Keep writing and inspiring.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Pallavi :)
DeleteThanks for motivating me always!!
Deep thinking
ReplyDeleteWell penned Charu...Keep it Up
ReplyDeleteThank you :)
DeleteI do agree with you Charu. In our society people gave preference to Cast, color, financial status etc. But this is not thing a girl need. In today's world women can earn more than a man. She can achieve anything if she get even less opportunity than a man. So a women only needs Respect and a comfort where she can live without boundaries(because she is mature enough), where she can Express his feelings without any fear and where she can take decision independently. I believe a man should provide such an environment to his wife after marriage where she can do all the above things.
ReplyDeleteAnd why a man should do this because she has left her family behind for man and it is not the man who did this.
So good writing Charu. Very well u have expressed ur opinion through this blog.
Keep writing all the best
Thanks for your comment Bharat :)
DeleteBut how are you so sure that this is not a thing that a girl needs?
Hi I really liked to read your thoughts. Would like if you joined quora as well. Your talent and views would get a more louder voice.
ReplyDeleteHey, Thank you!! Thanks for the suggestion as well, I will surely try.
DeleteI like everything that strengthens my voice :)
Will see you there! :)
DeleteThat's true. Connection is above all and this is what matters in long run.
ReplyDeleteVery well penned down, Charu. Keep it up ����
Thank You :)
DeleteI am really connected with your thought's and the tempering of humor in this kind of deep thought is seriolser hilarious, but Charu, time is changed now, today's generation chooses their life partner by their own where they don't want family intervention in this critical turn of life... Arrange marriages concept will be abolished very soon.
ReplyDeleteNow the answer (actually opinion) of your question (mark) in title
A life partner should be soul soother as we have to spend our whole life ( after when we met or get married) with him/her and if that person is just suitable and we both don't have that kind of understanding between us than the life is something else (that's a negative word and I don't want to write ) husband or wife is not to show or present others, He or she is really matters in our life so choose wisely...I know when we are in love we didn't see the parameter which are required by society but F**k off society requirements and be with the person whome u love and who loves u...
Wow, I get it Himanshu :)
DeleteTotally agree with your opinion and I understand that today's generation chooses their life partner themselves but I am more focused on the parameters to be considered while choosing the same whether through arrange marriage or whatever.
So true!
ReplyDeleteIt's an amazing read for not only girls, but for our parents as well who needs to understand how important it is to find your soul soother beyond their(society) parameters.
To live your life with that one person doesn't rely on their looks, caste, financial status only. It's beyond that!
Thank you so much Sonia :)
DeleteYou have summarized it pretty well!!
the moment we first met, we just knew this is it. This is what I want. Just sitting in front of him and sipping coffee gave me so much happiness that I was smiling whole day for no reason//////
ReplyDeleteI dont belive in love at first sight. Feeling happy with somebody over a coffee is entirely different in being comfortable with him while living under a roof be it in bedroom, in kitchen or in bathroom.
I belive Love at first sight is more about attraction, not understanding. It takes pretty good time to understand a man like his views about women, elderly, his views about caste system, his views about dowry, his views about sharing responsibilities with wife in kitchen, his views about sharing financial responsibilities, his views about family, his views about food, alcohol, his views about religion, politics and his views about personal space of wife..
My best friend met somebody in a party and fell for him. He made her feel like a princess. He was educated, had a good job, well mannered, very good looking. She felt a connection with him. She felt she couldn't be more happy with anybody else in world. She decided to marry him though he belonged to a different religion. She fought with parents and married him anyway. Just after a month problems started. The initial compatibility and the love at first sight just fled away from the window of kitchen. He started fighting with her on small issues like he had problems with her food, he had problem with her short skirts, he had problem with her male friends, he didn't belive a wife can demand a personal space from husband... He started beating her and then they got separated.
Now let's take the second case where there is happiness at first sight and there is a pretty good understanding between couple after marriage...
The connection what one has today , may not last for more than a year even if there is great understanding between girl and boy. Things get boring soon as it's very NATURE of human to desire change(provided she has freedom). The spark in relationship just disappears and things just get routinised. Love behaves like a river, when it's young, it's strong and can uproot mighty hurdles (trees), huge rush of Oxytocin you see. When love gets little old, many oxbow lakes make inroads (extra marital affairs) and in last river just spreads into various streams making delta Just like we even forget our wedding anniversary.
Love is never so pleasing even at first sight. It's just that we, being a part of conservative society, get freedom quite late and the entertainment industry like movies, songs, documentaries sell the ideas of love, romance and happy marriage/family which practically doesn't exist..
The rules of marriage are made in a way which restrains freedom of woman. Rules expect from her to sacrifice everything to keep family going. It's extreme social pressure, false consciousness spread by entertainment industry and Laws(not easy to take divorce in india) which keep a marriage going even after years.
You wrote materialistic things might give temporary happiness!!! I belive it's emotions towards him fuelled by rush of Oxytocin which are temporary NOT the materialistic things as the expensive flat would make your mornings happy everyday, the luxurious car would make life easier everyday, the freedom from loans would certainly add peace in life.
To me, the ideas of soul and connection are quite filmy, let's get REAL.
Hey, I truly respect your opinions and experiences you have shared with me.
DeleteBut have you ever wondered-
1. what will give you more happiness - the walls of expensive flat, giving you satisfaction of what you have achieved just by marrying someone or somebody being there with you in the house, loving you, celebrating their every day with you. Reminding you "yes, you can conquer the world".
2. Luxurious car are used more as a status symbol in our society as compared to other economics cars. But still i want you to think again - whether sitting with somebody you don't like in a luxurious car as compared to sitting besides someone you love and admire on a normal economic cars will make your journey beautiful :)
3.Loans- You trying skipping expensive flats and luxurious cars, your loan burden will automatically gets lower ;)
And Most importantly, I strongly feel if we want luxurious cars and expensive flats we should work harder to achieve them ourselves instead of getting married for such pleasures i.e. getting married to ladder up your status in the society.
Well expressed and wonderful thoughts.. Soul soother over suitable! But the sad part is majority people still believe in status and not what they need.. life partners are still chosen as per family's statuses.. Anyways I know that its always about the connection.... More power to you Charu �� Love you.. Be a Quorian soon!
ReplyDeleteWow..Thank you for expressing your love :)
DeleteI hope this blog can challenge the status quo!!
Love you too Sheena <3