Suitable or soul soother?

The moment any urban Indian girl hits 25, she already starts getting bugged for the marriage from every corner of the world. Oh yes, every corner including relatives, neighbors, family friends, your own friends, colleagues and every other human existing on this planet. Ah, the only time you thank god that pets don’t speak your language!! Not only that, the social media gets flooded with your school friend’s life events along with wedding pictures and videos, which makes her wonder if she is really losing something or lacking behind?

Will her timely marriage, which is generally perceived 25 in North India, be considered only parameter to be called a good and successful woman?? Despite being well-educated, having decent degree, working in one of the leading organizations, having able to pay her own bill and possessing the capabilities of buying her own diamonds.

And there comes the question what is she looking for in a life partner? I am sure, every other girl on this planet has her own definition of Mr. PERFECT, giving different criteria different priorities. While discussing this with the group of girls in office cafeteria, someone gave priority to the good looks where she said, “She wants a tall, dark and handsome guy just like Ranveer Singh”, for others it was financial status, job, caste and the list goes on. This made me wonder should we really consider all these factors while looking for our life partner. Will his caste, looks, job or financial status make him Mr. PERFECT? Will such criteria and filters ever be enough?? Is it what really matters??

So, continuing this discussion further, one of my friends shared her experience where she interacted with few guys through one of the online matrimonial sites, Oh Yes “Be found!” 😉. Initially, she interacted with 2-3 guys matching all her matrimonial site filters but during conversation, she realized that they are having contradictory set of view. Later, she met one more guy where everything was falling into the place i.e. her all practical expectations and comfort were fulfilled but after one meeting, she said NO to him the very next day. When I asked about the reason behind her No she replied “Charu, even I am amazed by my decision. Every practicality was according to me but somewhere I couldn’t make that connection. My heart didn’t allow me to go for it.”

Then there was another girl who said “Despite so many differences between me and my fiance, the moment we first met, we just knew this is it. This is what I want. Just sitting in front of him and sipping coffee gave me so much happiness that I was smiling whole day for no reason. There was a spark in our meeting. He was so comforting, it felt I don’t have to utter a word to tell him anything, like all my search filters just disappeared and are irrelevant.”

And there it struck me, at times the higher us needs more than what we expect from life, more than the outwardly comfort that we seek. May be the things we feel are crucial to live a decent and a respectful life are important from a society’s point of view, which we can show to our relatives and everyone in society that this is my husband with all the qualities- tall, dark, handsome, rich and above all same caste. This may satisfy the society, but will these qualities satisfy you? Are we looking for a life partner with whom we are going to spend our life, or we just want someone who can be displayed in front of our societies and relatives?

Materialistic things might give us temporary happiness and makes our life convenient, but at the end of the day it is the connection and love that soothes our soul and bring peace in our life, no matter how much we struggle in our daily lives. Their only presence makes you stronger and a better version of yourself. The days you don’t believe in yourself, he will believe in you and that will be soothing your soul like no one else on this planet.

P.S: - “It’s worth the wait, find your soul soother”

Perfect Bride or Perfect Marriage?

Every year in India, winters not just brings the joy of Christmas celebrations but also lots of wedding invitations of friends and family.  We live in a society where other people’s acceptance and perceptions about you are more important than your own happiness. Yes, “What will THEY say?” and “What will THEY think?” remains the fundamental dialogue for North Indians which becomes more visible during marriage conversations.

Last night after returning from a family wedding, my grandma especially emphasized: “Bride was very fair and beautiful”. The other day while I was waiting for my friends in a restaurant, I overheard the group of ladies in kitty party discussing about the wedding they attended recently. Initially, the conversation started about food, decoration etc. but gradually it shifted to how the bride was looking, her makeup, dress etc. and then someone pointed out, “The bride has a very broad jawline”. I am not sure they were trying to compliment her or trying to bring any drawback into attention because just like them she is also one of the gods own creation.  And then there was a neighboring aunt who was discussing with my mother about a marriage in her native place and in between says “bride was looking more mature and aged”. I was sitting at the corner sofa and trying to be reasonable who defines the rule that only a man can look more mature and grown up in a wedding, why can’t a woman?

Image courtesy- Archana Tandon 

 Every other day, we hear one or the other person making remarks for the bride, sometimes good and sometimes bad too. Which at times make me think, why all these judgments pertain to a bride. Nobody comes from a marriage and says, “groom was wearing specs” or “groom had dark complexion”. Why all these criteria apply to bride only. Why bride’s appearance becomes such an important factor in any marriage, despite the very acknowledged fact that if somebody can make place in your heart, they can surely make place in your eyes.

And the story does not end here with the physical appearance, then they start refereeing to certain acts as well, say for example, recently my aunt got astonished to know that my cousin took the charge of washing clothes for the family  four days before her marriage and exclaimed: “it’s hard to get such good girls now a days”. These incidents bring me to question does any guy be marring any girl for such reasons. Do you look for the qualities of full-time servants in a perfect bride? Is this the criteria for the perfect bride?
Or these are just society’s judgement to define women in certain parameters.

And I am pretty much sure that what we look for in a life partner is beyond looks and something more meaningful like understanding, connection and how well we support and help each other to grow. Whether it’s a bride or a groom, both look for PERFECT MARRIAGE, not just the perfect bride or perfect groom. Because it is the two imperfect people who make a perfect living for each other.

When two people are ready to accept each other the way they are along with their families, Does anybody’s else opinion matters?  If we are happy with each other, do we have to be bothered about “what THEY think?” and “What THEY say?”. And more importantly when will “THEY” understand that their opinion and judgments are irrelevant.

For all the women reading this, I request you to think once- “Is it really worth leaving your own individuality and hampering yourself for the sake of society’s judgement?”. No matter how much you try to be an ideal bride and later Daughter-in-law, there will always be someone judging you and trying to pull you down. Ideally, their judgments should not be your concern area.

P.S.- You stay BOLD and CONFIDENT the way you are because at the end of the day- It is not what others think, it is what you think about yourself counts.