Loving like Parvathi!!

We live in a country where life is celebrated everyday by means of various festivals arriving at our doorsteps in one or the other form.  One such festivals is Mahashivratri were people worship Lord Shiva by bathing the Shivalinga, fasting and chanting mantras of “Om Namah Shivay”.

Twenty years ago, it was one such rainy night of late winters where everyone was fasting. The curious kid in me asked my grandmother “Why do we celebrate Mahashivratri?”. And She replied, “Though there are many stories and beliefs that relate to Shivratri, I want to share the one that will always hold significance in everyone’s life. That is the story of love, devotion and most importantly “patience”. They say that on this day Lord Shiva married Goddess Parvathi. And it’s a celebration of their union and the love they possess for each other.”

Ardhnarishwar 

 She started narrating “Lord Shiva was a strong man living a rough life at the top of mountains and always being absorbed in his eternal trance. It is being said that his wardrobe used to be the skin of tiger and necklace made of skeletons with a snake surrounding his neck. And Goddess Parvathi was just another normal girl, being born as a princess. Since her childhood days, Parvathi was attracted to Lord Shiva. As the girl turned into a lady, she decided to marry Lord Shiva. But Lord Shiva was in meditative consciousness and never paid attention to the girl. After few years, her parents got furious and started counselling Parvathi that “Lord Shiva is insulting you from so long and you should not waste your time and energy on him”. Undeterred, she wanted to impress Lord Shiva and prove her worth to him. And just like any other Indian love story, there were compatibility issues where Lord Shiva was possessing superpowers and Parvathi was in a human being form. Therefore, she did “tapasya” (austerity) chanting Lord Shiva’s name for thousands of years as penance. This spiritual discipline of Parvathi made Lord Shiva empathize her and he decided to see Parvathi once.  Even after all those years of sufferings by Goddess Parvathi during austerity, he still decided to test her devotion one last time.  He took a form of an old man and bad mouthed about Lord Shiva to Parvathi. Parvathi after being annoyed, asked him to leave and said, “I know who Lord Shiva is, either I will accept Lord Shiva as my husband or will die unmarried”. Thus, the love, patience and devotion shown of Goddess Parvathi ultimately melted Lord Shiva’s heart. He took his real form and got married to her.”

And to me, Love felt like worshiping. Just like when you worship God, you don’t know whether he is listening, you don’t get the answers of your prayers the very moment but still you do it every day because of the faith you have in him. Love is faith.

But then I tried to relate this with our modern-day busy lives. I tried to question,

” In this self-reliable era, will anyone think of giving their complete self to someone for the sake of love?”

Every now and then we put our ego’s first in many ways “who should call first and who should text first?”. And when we don’t succeed in love relationships, very easily we blame each other. We call them untrustworthy, someone who can’t keep the commitments. But have we ever realized “If love depends on commitment to stay together or is it something that no matter what two souls can’t stay separated from each other? “. Goddess Parvathi stayed devoted to Lord Shiva even when he never paid any attention to her. How many times did we try to question ourselves “have we tried to be their Parvathi?”

“Will anyone wait for their love for years or even months in a life which is being taught to us as precious? Will anyone stay devoted to one person where we always have another option available just a click away?”

Love has lost its meaning in this world of constant comparison, were the people are compared on dating apps just like clothes and shoes on shopping apps. When we love someone, we see them everywhere in everyone. Just like when you worship God and you see God in everything and everyone. When there is love there can’t be any existence of comparison. Goddess Parvathi’s parents and other circumstances couldn’t deter her, because She was focused and was determined to get what she wants. But we in this fast-paced world move to the next best option available, we don’t have patience to give love the time it requires. We forget that everything happens at its own pace.

I hope this generation discovers the lost meaning of Love and devotion!! I hope we all can learn to love like Parvathi!!

P.S: - In a country where “Love is called Worship”, show the required devotion and patience that it deserves. Love is faith!! Love is Hope!!

Cosmetics or Care?

TV Commercials these days are flooded with cosmetics promising to make you look beautiful, glowing and young as well. Yes these “age miracles” target not just women but men too. Well, am glad at least somewhere the gender diversity seems evident. And it’s not just the T.V commercials but every online site shows countless number of reviews where people come out confidently saying “How much the product has worked for them”. With no second thoughts, this gives us assurance, about how effective the product is. But then I wonder is it enough to FEEL beautiful??

Can a cosmetic product alone make your face glow? Reduce the stress and wrinkles that comes out on your face after a hectic day, when you were so busy in your professional and personal life that you forgot to take care of your own self. They promise to remove the dark circles under your eyes, but can they remove that sadness and loneliness from your eyes too? Can they remove those sleepless nights that you had spent working which caused those dark circles?

Don’t you feel that the true happiness and peace within are the key aspects to make your face glow and eyes sparkle? Don’t you glow the most on days-

that enlightens you from within,

that make you feel proud of your own achievements, 

that give you relief from your own self-doubts and uncertain future…?

Last evening while I was getting ready for a friend’s birthday party, I instantly put on the sharp red lipstick, as the color was matching my favorite dark blue and red outfit. As I was busy in revolving the flared dress and clicking selfies, the very next moment my grandmother who is always observant of my make-up, commented “Don’t apply such dark make-up otherwise your face won’t glow any different after marriage”.

This made me question “Is it just a loud lipstick makes newly wedded glow? Or the same lipstick being applied after marriage has some special effects? “

And I wanted to tell her that “it’s not the loud lip color and other cosmetics that makes her glow but the happiness that comes into her life by someone’s mere presence. The peace and assurance she feels’ in her life when someone promises to stand by her side, no matter what. What makes her glow is the way she is loved and cared!!”

As beautifully quoted by Alexander Den Heijer "When a flower doesn't bloom you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower."

Have you ever observed how beautiful you feel inside and out when you get the love you want, care you need and respect you deserve? Don’t your dark circles disappear automatically after those peaceful sleeps when they tell you “catch you back tomorrow”? Don’t your eyes sparkle when they say, “take care”? Don’t you feel re-energized even in the most hectic and stressed days when you think about them, taking away all your pain and worries? Don’t you feel relieved when they share your load? Can any number of blushers make you blush the way you do when they understand your needs even before you express them?

 You don’t have to depend on anything to feel happy. Create your own Happiness and take good care of your mental, physical and emotional needs, you owe it to yourself!!

P.S: - Nothing makes you GLOW like getting true HAPPINESS that shines from within!!

Suitable or soul soother?

The moment any urban Indian girl hits 25, she already starts getting bugged for the marriage from every corner of the world. Oh yes, every corner including relatives, neighbors, family friends, your own friends, colleagues and every other human existing on this planet. Ah, the only time you thank god that pets don’t speak your language!! Not only that, the social media gets flooded with your school friend’s life events along with wedding pictures and videos, which makes her wonder if she is really losing something or lacking behind?

Will her timely marriage, which is generally perceived 25 in North India, be considered only parameter to be called a good and successful woman?? Despite being well-educated, having decent degree, working in one of the leading organizations, having able to pay her own bill and possessing the capabilities of buying her own diamonds.

And there comes the question what is she looking for in a life partner? I am sure, every other girl on this planet has her own definition of Mr. PERFECT, giving different criteria different priorities. While discussing this with the group of girls in office cafeteria, someone gave priority to the good looks where she said, “She wants a tall, dark and handsome guy just like Ranveer Singh”, for others it was financial status, job, caste and the list goes on. This made me wonder should we really consider all these factors while looking for our life partner. Will his caste, looks, job or financial status make him Mr. PERFECT? Will such criteria and filters ever be enough?? Is it what really matters??

So, continuing this discussion further, one of my friends shared her experience where she interacted with few guys through one of the online matrimonial sites, Oh Yes “Be found!” 😉. Initially, she interacted with 2-3 guys matching all her matrimonial site filters but during conversation, she realized that they are having contradictory set of view. Later, she met one more guy where everything was falling into the place i.e. her all practical expectations and comfort were fulfilled but after one meeting, she said NO to him the very next day. When I asked about the reason behind her No she replied “Charu, even I am amazed by my decision. Every practicality was according to me but somewhere I couldn’t make that connection. My heart didn’t allow me to go for it.”

Then there was another girl who said “Despite so many differences between me and my fiance, the moment we first met, we just knew this is it. This is what I want. Just sitting in front of him and sipping coffee gave me so much happiness that I was smiling whole day for no reason. There was a spark in our meeting. He was so comforting, it felt I don’t have to utter a word to tell him anything, like all my search filters just disappeared and are irrelevant.”

And there it struck me, at times the higher us needs more than what we expect from life, more than the outwardly comfort that we seek. May be the things we feel are crucial to live a decent and a respectful life are important from a society’s point of view, which we can show to our relatives and everyone in society that this is my husband with all the qualities- tall, dark, handsome, rich and above all same caste. This may satisfy the society, but will these qualities satisfy you? Are we looking for a life partner with whom we are going to spend our life, or we just want someone who can be displayed in front of our societies and relatives?

Materialistic things might give us temporary happiness and makes our life convenient, but at the end of the day it is the connection and love that soothes our soul and bring peace in our life, no matter how much we struggle in our daily lives. Their only presence makes you stronger and a better version of yourself. The days you don’t believe in yourself, he will believe in you and that will be soothing your soul like no one else on this planet.

P.S: - “It’s worth the wait, find your soul soother”

Perfect Bride or Perfect Marriage?

Every year in India, winters not just brings the joy of Christmas celebrations but also lots of wedding invitations of friends and family.  We live in a society where other people’s acceptance and perceptions about you are more important than your own happiness. Yes, “What will THEY say?” and “What will THEY think?” remains the fundamental dialogue for North Indians which becomes more visible during marriage conversations.

Last night after returning from a family wedding, my grandma especially emphasized: “Bride was very fair and beautiful”. The other day while I was waiting for my friends in a restaurant, I overheard the group of ladies in kitty party discussing about the wedding they attended recently. Initially, the conversation started about food, decoration etc. but gradually it shifted to how the bride was looking, her makeup, dress etc. and then someone pointed out, “The bride has a very broad jawline”. I am not sure they were trying to compliment her or trying to bring any drawback into attention because just like them she is also one of the gods own creation.  And then there was a neighboring aunt who was discussing with my mother about a marriage in her native place and in between says “bride was looking more mature and aged”. I was sitting at the corner sofa and trying to be reasonable who defines the rule that only a man can look more mature and grown up in a wedding, why can’t a woman?

Image courtesy- Archana Tandon 

 Every other day, we hear one or the other person making remarks for the bride, sometimes good and sometimes bad too. Which at times make me think, why all these judgments pertain to a bride. Nobody comes from a marriage and says, “groom was wearing specs” or “groom had dark complexion”. Why all these criteria apply to bride only. Why bride’s appearance becomes such an important factor in any marriage, despite the very acknowledged fact that if somebody can make place in your heart, they can surely make place in your eyes.

And the story does not end here with the physical appearance, then they start refereeing to certain acts as well, say for example, recently my aunt got astonished to know that my cousin took the charge of washing clothes for the family  four days before her marriage and exclaimed: “it’s hard to get such good girls now a days”. These incidents bring me to question does any guy be marring any girl for such reasons. Do you look for the qualities of full-time servants in a perfect bride? Is this the criteria for the perfect bride?
Or these are just society’s judgement to define women in certain parameters.

And I am pretty much sure that what we look for in a life partner is beyond looks and something more meaningful like understanding, connection and how well we support and help each other to grow. Whether it’s a bride or a groom, both look for PERFECT MARRIAGE, not just the perfect bride or perfect groom. Because it is the two imperfect people who make a perfect living for each other.

When two people are ready to accept each other the way they are along with their families, Does anybody’s else opinion matters?  If we are happy with each other, do we have to be bothered about “what THEY think?” and “What THEY say?”. And more importantly when will “THEY” understand that their opinion and judgments are irrelevant.

For all the women reading this, I request you to think once- “Is it really worth leaving your own individuality and hampering yourself for the sake of society’s judgement?”. No matter how much you try to be an ideal bride and later Daughter-in-law, there will always be someone judging you and trying to pull you down. Ideally, their judgments should not be your concern area.

P.S.- You stay BOLD and CONFIDENT the way you are because at the end of the day- It is not what others think, it is what you think about yourself counts.

Love or Comfort??

Every now and then we see couples roaming around madly in love with each other, claiming their love to be forever. But do we ever give a thought if it is a relationship of love or relationship of convenience?

Recently I met my cousin along with her fiance. While we were sitting at KFC, she asked her fiance to open the sachet of sauce for her. I gave her a perplexed look and she said, “Charu, this is love!”

But is it Love? Really? Or just comfort? To have someone open the packaged food for you, to spoon feed you just because your nails don’t get smudged with sauce; it is clearly a relation of convenience.

Another time I asked one of my friend to catch up someday and she told me now that she was married, she would only be able to come with her husband. And I was like why? I wondered if the married couples are physically tied to each other. In this era of Olas and Ubers where everything comes at your doorstep, why can’t she just take a cab? In my opinion, this is comfort to have someone drive for you instead of taking the extra effort of booking a cab, coordinating with driver regarding pick-up point and paying him.

This brings me to another question “Why do we, women make ourselves weak in a relationship? Why do we want someone else to help us?”

Our parents have made their best efforts in last 20-25 years to give us proper education and capability so that we can be strong enough to help ourselves. Despite all this, do we really need to be dependent on anyone for every small thing?

In this era of technology, when anything can be Googled and YouTube videos are available for every next thing, do we really need help? Can’t we find our solutions ourselves?

Once a guy suggested me to stay updated with current affairs by reading news, articles etc. With the intention of spending more quality time with him I asked him to share news updates with me on everyday basis. He replied “Why do you need me to share news update with you?  Why do you need anyone to do things for you when you can easily download any news app and start reading it? Why do u want to be dependent on me?”

It was then, it struck me that there is very fine line between seeking someone to spend time with you and to do things for you.

I completely understand the fact that the one who tries to make our life easy, help us in difficulties, and provide solutions to our problems can rule our heart very easily. We feel loved and supported which in turn makes our world like a fairyland. But does that mean we should keep seeking help, advice and support for every small thing from them just to stay in our comfort zone.

Is it what a partner there for? Aren’t they are supposed to empower us? To make us feel strong enough so that we can fight our own battles instead of going to them every time?

Which one is a healthy relationship where partners help each other grow or where partners spoon feed each other?

P.S: -  Instead of making your world a FAIRYLAND, make yourself STRONG enough to face any damn thing that comes your way!